7 Things Narcissists Say When They're Caught -

Finally, you found some real proof of that thing you suspected all along. Maybe now you could finally get some closure from the narcissist in your life. Not so fast. Unfortunately, you will never get closure from a narcissist. So what will you get instead? Let’s take a look at the seven things narcissists say when they’re caught.

Now, if you’re reading this article, I am going to bet that you’ve had an encounter with a narcissist. And if you have, you know that they are not likely to take responsibility for much of anything. This can be infuriating, especially when they’ve done something to hurt you, and in order to move forward, you really need them to take accountability. So if you have had an encounter with a narcissist, you’re going to recognize at least one, probably a lot more, of the kinds of excuses or ways to shirk responsibility that we’re going to cover here today.

But please understand that this list is not about diagnosing narcissism, and it doesn’t mean that if somebody ever says these words that they’re a narcissist. However, if you have truly dealt with a narcissist, then undoubtedly you have encountered these phrases or something similar as a way for the person to get out of taking responsibility for something that they clearly have done.

#1: “It wasn’t me”.

We’re going to start off this list with the old tried and true: “It wasn’t me.” You know, the Shaggy song. So this may actually come up in a similar situation to the Shaggy song, where if you actually see the person doing something and they deny that it was them, or maybe somebody else saw them do the thing, or maybe they’re really the only ones who could have done the thing. Even if you didn’t see them, you really just know it was them because there are no other possibilities. They will just deny it. Not only is it upsetting that they did the thing, but they also won’t take accountability for something that they are clearly accountable for, and that is infuriating.

#2: “It was really your fault.”

Instead of apologizing and owning up to it, if they can’t deny, they will deflect. So it’s, “It couldn’t have been my fault. If you hadn’t done this thing, I wouldn’t have done what I did. So really, you started this. It’s all your fault.” And maybe you have something to take accountability for too, and maybe you don’t. It doesn’t really matter. I mean, it matters in the sense that we should all take accountability for things that we have done. But to the narcissist, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you have something to take accountability for in this situation or not. They will still use this one.

#3: “Word salad.”

What they’ll do is they’ll choose something that seems completely foreign, it’s totally off-topic, and they’ll start talking about it either as if it’s on topic—this is kind of aligned with word salad—or as if it’s more important than what you’re talking about. So it’s kind of a little bit of confusion, and it’s a little bit of changing the subject. What will happen in most cases is they’ll take some tiny little thing—maybe it’s a word that you said—and really, out of context, that word isn’t really what you’re talking about, but they’ll take that word and they’ll blow it up into something else to make it seem like they’re on topic and then usually try to make you end up defending yourself. In the end, you’ve gone so far from the point that it’s almost difficult to find your way back.

#4: “Yeah, but did you see what this other person did?”

They may act like they’re taking some accountability, but very, very quickly they shift the conversation from themselves to someone else, something else, anything else. And in doing so, they may even compare what they did to what other people do.

Here’s an example: You’re in a relationship with a narcissist and they say they’re going to be home at a certain time, and they don’t come home. They don’t call, and you’re waiting there, maybe with dinner, maybe you’re waiting because you have plans to go somewhere together. So when they come home, you confront them because that’s super inconsiderate. The narcissist may say something like, “You know what? You don’t even appreciate me. You know, some people, they don’t even come home after work ever. They just go straight to the bar, and then they come home in the middle of the night, and then they wake up and they do it all over again. Aren’t you lucky that you have me? I don’t do that.” And you’ll notice they don’t really set the bar very high for these comparisons, but they also will not take accountability.

#5: “You’re taking this out of context.”

Now, this one could be a little bit tricky because that could happen sometimes, right? Sometimes people take things out of context. Sometimes, especially if you only see a small part of something or if you only hear part of a conversation, it is kind of easy to take it out of context. However, there are some things that don’t need context. You see somebody you’re in a relationship with and they’ve got their tongue down someone else’s throat—you don’t need context for that. That’s inappropriate. So because they can use this one to create confusion and they can imply that there’s stuff that you don’t know, this can be a go-to statement for a narcissist who’s caught. But the thing is, if you really did take something out of context, somebody might try to explain the context to you so you know and you’re no longer upset about it. But if you’re dealing with a narcissist and they say, “Well, you’re taking that out of context,” you never actually get the real context. The truth is it’s really just an excuse.

#6: “How dare you accuse me?”

They may become rageful. And this, I’ve noticed, at least in my experience, tends to happen more often when they don’t have any other excuse and/or they are caught off guard. So your evidence may be so good that they even know that they can’t talk their way out of it, so they’re just going to rage at you. Or maybe you caught them off guard and they don’t know which go-to excuse to use first, so they just take the easy way out and they rage at you. Now this, if you’ve ever experienced it, you know, is a sure sign that the person is lying. Especially if you’re not in a confrontational situation, you just literally ask the person a question and they jump to rage and anger. It’s definitely a red flag.

A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.

#7: “How can you be so sure?”

The last thing I have for you on this list that narcissists say when they’re caught is: “How can you be so sure?” Now, what they’ll do here is they’ll plant a seed of doubt. They will find the weakest part of what you’ve said. You can have the strongest case against them—you can have photo evidence, you could have seen something with your own eyes—and if you happen to say something, if your voice wavers at any point, they will latch onto that perceived weakness and not let go. The whole purpose of this is to plant a seed of doubt. If there’s any part of your story that could possibly be false, well then the whole thing is false. And again, it’s just another way to avoid taking accountability for their actions.

And if we ever got that accountability, we might have some closure. “Yes, I did that, and I am sorry.” These are things that narcissists do not say. So if you recognize any of these things narcissists say, please let me know which ones in the comments. And I bet you have one or two or more things to add to this list. If so, please do let us know in the comments. Let’s continue the conversation.