How Do Narcissists React When Confronted? Confronting a narcissist is like walking through a Minefield, you never know what will set them off, and you never know how they’ll react. But you can prepare yourself by knowing the signs of a narcissist and what they’ll do if you cross them.
Here are 10 ways to tell if someone is a narcissist and how they might react if you confront them.
Number 1: Narcissists will deny everything.
When you confront narcissists, the first thing they do is deny the accusations. They don’t care how true the accusations are; they’ll say you’re crazy, making things up, or lying. Narcissists lie directly to your face without feeling any guilt or shame. They often try to change the subject and steer the conversation away from their actions and onto something else entirely.
If you confront them about a specific incident, narcissists will deny it happened. If you face them about their behavior, they’ll often try to run around and say that you are the one who has a problem. Narcissists can play these games very well and make you feel like what you’re saying isn’t true.
Number 2: They will use blame shifting.
Narcissists shift blame because they firmly believe they’re always right and that others are at fault. They’ll try to make you feel guilty for being upset or claim that their bad behavior is your fault. They might even try to convince you that you’re the one who needs to change, and if you stopped confronting them, everything would be fine.
In reality, narcissists are skilled at manipulating people to believe that the problem lies with someone else. They do this to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They don’t want to admit their mistakes because it would mean acknowledging something is wrong with them.
Number 3: They will become defensive and angry.
Dealing with narcissistic people can be really tough, and they don’t improve over time. Even the slightest disapproval or criticism can make them explode with anger. That’s why it’s important to know how to handle them. When you confront a narcissist, they find it hard to accept what’s happening and will respond with anger and defensiveness.
Narcissists might try to shift the blame onto you or say it’s your fault for confronting them. The best approach when dealing with a narcissist is to stay calm and avoid getting into an argument. They thrive on conflict and drama, so if you engage with them, they’ll use your reaction against you later on. Remember, no matter what they say, don’t take it personally. They lack empathy, so they won’t understand why you’re upset with them in the first place.
Number 4: They will Gaslight you.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which a person or entity, to gain more power, makes a victim question their sanity. It convinces the victim to distrust their memory and perception, to think they’re losing their mind. To Gaslight someone, a narcissist will typically use one of two strategies: They will either deny something that happened or be distorted to make it seem like something else happened.
For example, they might say things like, “I never said that,” “You must be making it up,” or “I didn’t mean it that way.” When you confront narcissists about something they said or did, they often try to avoid the topic altogether. They might accuse you of lying and try to persuade others that you’re the dishonest one. Their aim is to make you appear crazy and untrustworthy so that people will trust them more than they trust you.
Number 5: They will threaten you.
When you confront a narcissist about their actions, it’s not uncommon for them to threaten to harm you. Just like anyone else, narcissists don’t want to feel bad about themselves. So, if you point out something they did wrong and explain how it hurt you, they might perceive it as a threat. They have a strong need to feel superior and in control, so any form of confrontation can be seen as a threat to their sense of power.
To protect themselves from the confrontation, they may try to intimidate or manipulate you by threatening your safety or well-being. They may also threaten legal action if they think it will scare you into compliance. You can’t change a narcissist’s behavior by confronting them ( See here why narcissists can’t change), instead, you must learn to set boundaries and stick to them.
Number 6: They will withdraw from the confrontation.
Narcissists avoid confrontation and dislike being confronted. If you try to talk to them about something you think is wrong or if you disagree with them, they often withdraw from the conversation. They might even leave the room to avoid listening to you. They simply don’t want to deal with any kind of conflict. This can be frustrating for people who want to discuss things and find a solution.
Whether narcissists are too scared to face criticism or they simply don’t care about others’ thoughts and feelings on a certain topic, they always try to escape the situation. They might walk away and completely ignore what you’ve said.
Number 7: They will project the fault onto you.
When narcissists are caught lying or doing something wrong, they’ll try to shift the blame onto you. They might say you’re being unreasonable or claim that you misunderstood their intentions, making it your fault. They’ll walk away with an air of superiority, looking down on you as if they’re better than you. So how can you recognize if someone is projecting? Ask yourself, are they accusing me of doing something that they actually did? If the answer is yes, then you’re spot on.
Narcissists like to be in control of everything, so they will blame you for anything that goes wrong in an attempt to escape responsibility. There’s no point in arguing with narcissists because they will never admit they’re wrong, even if they are. Narcissists want to be correct, so don’t waste their time trying to convince them otherwise.
Number 8: They will refuse to acknowledge your feelings.
Narcissists live in their own world and struggle to understand your perspective. When you confront them, they might disregard your feelings and make fun of you for feeling that way. They act as if they have no clue what you’re talking about or as if you have no right to be upset with them. They downplay your experiences, saying it wasn’t a big deal or denying that they are the problem.
Narcissists lack empathy for others; they only care about themselves. They may try to silence you by saying things like, “I never said that” or “you’re just being overly dramatic.” They use manipulative tactics to make it seem like their actions were actually in your best interest and that any negative emotions you feel are simply an exaggerated reaction from you.
Number 9: They will make up excuses for their behavior.
Narcissists come up with excuses for their actions. When you confront them about what they did, they often make up reasons to justify their behavior. These excuses usually portray them in a positive light while making the other person look bad. For instance, if a narcissist is caught cheating on their spouse, they might say their spouse is too controlling or unsupportive to make themselves appear as victims.
Narcissists can be quite imaginative when it comes to finding excuses. They always seem to have a new excuse ready every time. If their story changes constantly, it’s likely they’re trying to hide something. They might also try to explain their hurtful actions by saying they were stressed or had a bad day.
Number 10: They will try to make you feel guilty.
When you confront a narcissist about their behavior, they often try to make you feel guilty instead. They use tactics like saying, “You don’t care about me” or “You don’t love me.” This is because they don’t want to face their own actions, so they shift the blame onto you. If you’re not careful, this can create a cycle of guilt that’s really hard to break free from. Narcissists are all about control, and this is their way of making you feel sorry for them. It also helps them look good by making it seem like you were the one being selfish or unkind.
Narcissists, when confronted, don’t show remorse. They quickly make excuses or twist the situation to their advantage. They use manipulation as a defense mechanism and turn things around on you. They might claim they were misunderstood and even try to punish you by spreading rumors or making false accusations against you. To respond effectively to a narcissist when they’ve done something wrong, it’s important to understand how they might react.
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